The Title Is Too Graphic For Thy Eyes
by SweeneyLovett
Summary: It's not what you think...


Max POV

"And the girl was like so so sooo _ugly!! _Like, you wouldn't believe it, Max! Her hair was all-" "Dinner's ready!" Iggy yelled out from the kitchen. "Oh, hey, did you hear that? Dinner's ready!" I said, before Nudge could start up again about the latest "What Not To Wear" episode. I mean, why would I care about some girl who couldn't dress herself? Like it was my problem. By the time I got to the kitchen (which was, like, two minutes later) everyone was already stuffing their faces.

I sat down next to Fang, and Nudge sat down next to Ella, the only other available seat. Looking down at my plate, I saw that we were eating rice, with chicken on top mixed with vegetables. It looked delicious, but I was kinda hesitant about the vegetables. I mean, I was never one for broccoli, you know? Suddenly Angel, who was sitting two chairs away from mine, said, "Total loves the broccoli. You could give it to him if you don't like it."

Iggy looked up from his plate, and said in mock-sadness, "You don't like my broccoli? I slave over a hot stove for hours and hours just so you don't like my broccoli?! I don't think so!" He turned away from me, saying, "Don't talk to me! I don't want to hear your lies!" I rolled my eyes, then said, "Iggy, I'm rolling my eyes." Which resulted in a "La la la la la!! I can't hear you and your stupid lies about my great cooking!!" from him.

Before anyone could say anything else, Total said, "Hey! Are we forgetting the stake at hand?! 'Cause I want more broccoli and Max said she would give me some!" "No I didn't!" I said. Total then trotted over to where my plate was and sat on it – yes, I kid you not, he actually sat on my plate of food. "Oh, Total, gross!" I yelled. "What? What happened?!" Iggy yelled, looking around frantically. "Total sat on Max's plate." Ella informed him.

"Nooooo!!" Iggy yelled, causing us all to turn to him. "My food!" I started to laugh, but then he said, in a voice cold as ice, "That food took me all afternoon to make. I am going to kill you when I get my hands on you." That shut me up. Iggy jumped up, and Total yelped. Iggy ran over to our general direction, where Total was frozen with fear. For about two seconds. Then he jumped off the table, screaming, "Iggy! You don't want to do this! If you kill me, you'll lose your greatest friend!" Iggy, following the sound of Total's voice, was yelling, "You stupid dog! How could you _sit on my food?!_"

Their voices faded away, and we all turned back to the table. "I hope they don't break my house." Mom muttered, looking nervous. "Iggy sounded really devastated." Fang said, taking another bite of chicken. "Mhmm," I agreed, sticking my fork into his plate. He slapped my hand. "Hey!" "You have your own food, Max." Fang said, calmly. "But Total just sat on it!" He shrugged, giving me a look that said, "So? It's still food."

Disgusted, I stoop up and threw away the rest of my food, then I put the plate in the dishwasher. Hey, I may have eaten desert rat and possum before, but no way in hell was I going to eat something Total _sat on! _I decided I would just have to starve for the night – nothing new, right?

I then proceeded to leave the kitchen (glaring at Fang in the process) and sat on the couch in the living room. A few minutes passed, when suddenly Iggy sat down by me, red in the face and looking madder than ever. "Did you catch Total?" Iggy slowly turned to face me, and then he said, "He got away."

"Oh..."

There was silence for about another five minutes before I said, "I've never seen you this mad before."

Iggy stood up and yelled, "Because it was my _food!! _My prized _food!_"

I rolled my eyes; he was being so overdramatic. "Iggy, since when is your food prized?"

His jaw dropped and he just stood there looking at me in shock. Then he turned and left for the stairs, muttering something about "ungrateful mutants".

Laughing, I turned my attention back to the TV, which had some weird infomercial on about a backwards bathrobe called the smugly or something like that. "That's awesome. I want one." Came Fang's voice from my right. I nearly jumped ten feet into the air. "Fang!" I yelled. "What?" He looked at me innocently. "Stop doing that!" "Doing what?" "You know what I'm talking about!" He simply shook his head, implying that he in fact did _not _know what I was talking about.

I sighed in frustration. Ever since Fang got the invisibility down, he's been scaring everyone by appearing next to them from thin air.

Fang smirked at my obvious irritation, and I sneered at him. "Fang, how many times are you going to keep freaking everyone out before you get your fill?" Fang opened his mouth to answer, but was cut off by screaming.

Total's screaming, to be exact.

Ok, now I know what you're thinking: Iggy found and is now strangling Total!

No.

Total ran in screaming, "Something's wrong with me!! Something's wrong with me!!" Angel panicked, and ran up to him asking him what was wrong. She picked him up, cradling him in her arms.

And that was when he pooped all over Angel.

She opened her mouth to scream, but no words came out. She just stood there, frozen with shock, still holding Total, who looked more embarrassed than ever.

Everyone was silent for about a minute, and then Iggy screamed from upstairs, "Why does it suddenly smell like crap?!"

~*~*~*~

Needless to say, a clean, just-out-of-the-shower Angel later, Mom found out what happened to Total.

He got explosive diarrhea.

From what? You ask. Why, from eating some of that broccoli Iggy made.

"Serves you right, _Dog, _for messing with my culinary awesomeness!" Iggy said triumphantly. Total simply growled at him from the far end of the couch. Iggy simply laughed, saying, "Does the baby need to change his diaper?"

Oh, I forgot to mention: in order to keep the house clean and still have Total in it, he had to wear _diapers. _Mom got them for him, but how and from where Mom got them (especially in such a short time), I don't know.

Total stood up, still growling, only to sit back down moments afterwards with disgusted look on his face. Angel sympathetically petted him while Iggy kept laughing, saying things like, "You know, this is your Karma getting back at you for not being a good dog!"

Fang looked at me, and we both smiled, knowing that Iggy will _never _let Total live this down.

**-----------------------------------------------**

**Ok, so I got this idea from when I was reading an FML (don't know what it is? Search it up!) about a guy who fed his girlfriends' dog cauliflower and it gave the dog diarrhea. So, I must give credit to BigBallah93. BigBallah, if you are reading this, please don't sue me!**


End file.
